A Loaded Gun Complex..Cock It And Pull It

2:34am: It is what it is
Funny how much I used to rely on this journal. I haven't written in it in almost 2 years I think.

The beauty is that no one probably even remembers it or uses it so its not like I have to worry about people reading it :)

I just bought a new Jimmy Eat World cd. I didn't even know they had a new cd out so it was a pleasant surprise. I remember buying my first JEW cd in Djibouti and listening to it constantly.

So I'm living in Virginia now. It felt extremely weird to watch the UoM football game on tv from my new home.

I miss Max terribly. He may have to stay at my mom's longer than a month. It's amazing how much him and I have bonded since Rob stopped coming around. It's even more amazing how attached I am to a dog :) 

I just spent about an hour talking to Zach. It's amazing to me how much of a good friend he's become. I've lost a few good friends in the last few years so my faith in friendship has been waning as of late. It's really nice to be able to count on someone no matter what. Especially with Zach because so many of his qualities annoy me. We couldn't be any more of polar opposites about so many things, but we still manage to be friends.

Annie became a really great friend too and kind of out of no where. I think we bonded over understanding each other's failed relationship. I really miss her and it was always nice to have her to lean on when I wasn't having a very good day. 

I'm hoping I make some friends like that down here. I remain reserved with Jennifer just because she's always been insulated from some of my life for some reason. I know I can talk to her about anything she just seemed detached sometimes. Although Skype has become my best friend! I can see Annie's amazing face even from 500 miles away :)

I've remained positive about everything involved with moving and I'm really happy about that. Fall in Virginia has already been better than Michigan by like a billion times lol It's still 70 degrees out and the leaves are turning amazing colors. This is the Fall I've always dreamed about. It's going to ease into the cold instead of being hot one day and bualls cold the next.

I was at Target today and I wish I already owned my house! There was so many decorations I would have loved to put in my house. Halloween is my favorite holiday after all! 

Ok well I'm not even sure what the point of this was, I just felt like writing/typing. Who knows if I'll start writing in this regularly. I do need to start writing in general again. I have a few essays I want to work on and a slightly bigger project planned that will require some research. Funny how personal experiences end up triggering creativity.

11:03am: Why would someone jump out of a perfectly good airplane?!?

So.....I'm going skydiving in...2 hours!!!

Surprisingly not scared just quietly excited :)

This is definitely a cap to a very strange, odd, and amazing summer.

I ought to start using this more again, but I probably won't find the time.

Ait then! lol can't believe I'm jumping out of an airplane!!! CRAZY!

4:32am: Hello...Good Friend...It's Nice To See You Again
I haven't even logged into LJ in for-fuckin-ever...I am avoiding sleep and figured I'd have a look-see. I used to check it frequently because of the communities I'm in, but I stopped a while ago.

Life is so crazy right now. I'm so glad the holiday stress BS is over, now I just have to pay for it!

I had orientation at UoM recently...I was scared to death. I honestly would have rather re-joined the Marine Corps than think about starting school at a real university. 

I've been just trying to mentally prepare for classes and everything that goes with it. I got screwed on my first term because I have to drive up there every day, but hopefully it'll be better next term. 

I'm definitely doing a study abroad program, preferably an 8 week one in England, interning with a member of the British Parliament. UoM is officially the coolest school ever by the way, the buildings are beautiful and the campus is fuckin huge.

My bday party was about as much fun as it could have been. A TON of people showed up, even some real old school friends. Cara flew up and stayed for a few days, we had a blast as usual. Went to see a Shakespeare play while she was here and partied in Ann Arbor with Jenny and my new BFF Amy. That girl is out of control, I'm pretty sure I was serious when I said I'd love to marry her lol, just tons of fun.

Met some chick at the bar that actually asked me for my number lol that was funny. Hung out with her and went bowling a few weeks ago. I had a lot of fun actually...not sure she's really my type though. Saw Eileen's mom that night too.

Angie's bday was out of control. We bowled, had cake, and then did kareoke. My sister and I sang Big Shot...it was awesome.

My cousin had her baby and I got a touch of the baby fever...not going to lie. Collin is a badass and I've been trying to spend a lot of time with Amy and her husband since they are both moving soon. Partied with them a few times in D-Bo and had a blast every time. 

I talk to so few people though, I don't really mind but kinda sucks at times. New Years is probably going to be rough since I'll be alone. Half of me wishes it were different, but I know I'm really busy and it would take a lot of work to deal with anyone else right now. I'm down with putting in the effort, just haven't really met anyone worth spending the time on. 

Burkett keeps making me dance with her at the Digger and even though I know I look ridiculous...no one else is out there...not to mention she's a damn fine lookin bird.

Seriously though...I've got a University of Michigan id and I'm registered for classes...that start in a week lol its so hard to believe.

I've felt for so long that my life wasn't really my own and now I have so much freedom...its very refreshing. And I know just as soon as I get busy living, things will all work out...they always do. The financial and academic stress will eventually just be something I count on and I'm sure the girl that's meant for me will find her way to me whenever I'm ready.

I also love Counting Crows

 

11:20pm: If You're Sleeping, Are You Dreaming? If You're Dreaming, Are You Dreaming Of Me?
 It's been so long since I've even thought about using this thing...funny how that goes I guess

But I thought about it tonight because I was sitting in my room with my lil' bros and Alex asked me where 'that' girl was. The conversation went something like this:

Alex: Where's that girl we watched the Monster movie with?

Me: What girl, Alex?

Alex: You know, that girl that you love. The one who stayed the night with you and watched that movie with us.

Me: How did you know I loved her?

Alex: Because when she was drunk that one time you didn't let her go home and because she stayed the night with you

And instead of getting mad or any other emotion, I just smiled because...well I'm not sure why I smiled other than to say it was a funny conversation and its amazing how much little kids really do pick up. Alex was talking about Eileen, but it just made me happy to think of the good memories.

Life's going still...I got accepted to UoM again...I'm doing a volunteer/observation/teaching aide thing at the high school with Mrs. Hampel-Nowak. I'm really enjoying that except for getting up at 6am...I don't enjoy that much but ah well

Vacation in Florida and Nashville was amazing, I really needed to have that away time from home without knowing I was returning to the Marine Corps.

Loads of things have happened since the last time I updated, but I wanted to make sure and put this in here so I could come back to it someday and remember the progress I made emotionally. 

I think its hard to smile while you let go, but maybe that's really the best way to do it...

3:15am: Will The Ending Reek Of Salty Cheeks??

I bought my ticket to Nashville today!!!!! I'm so fuckin excited, you don't even realize.

Cara called today to tell me I left the best voicemail last night while I was out drinking. I love it when someone tells me stuff like that, totally made my day....not that it takes much haha

Ran into Tim last night...it was nice to see him, I also like seeing people from the old crew cause its nice to think about those times every now and again

So I'm going to be gone Sept 20th to October 2nd, which is going to be awesome. I'm flying to Cara's in Nashville, then we are driving to Sarasota, spending a week on the beach. We rented this house for the week and we are going to sit on the beach, get trashed, and then do the pub crawl every night. Then I'm going back to Nashville with her for a few days before coming back to Michigan.

I'm slowly getting comfortable at home...its a slow process. I have to dig a 9 foot hole tomorrow...yep I finally snapped and need somewhere to hide the bodies.

Went to see Superbad with Barb, Gary, Dave, and Ken. I had a great time, I haven't really seen any movies in theater since coming home so it was nice. I need to find someone to go see Halloween with cause I'm a little bitch. I'll probably ask Lisa cause she wouldn't make fun of me for being a puss.

My dad and I had a crazy conversation today about how I want to open a restaurant and/or bar. He seemed really interested in being involved in something like that if I funded it since he used to cook for this place out in Wyandotte...it's such a crazy idea that I just want to do it anyways!

Sometimes I wonder where things go wrong, but then I realize that long ago I figured out that often things aren't anyone's fault or responsibility, simply life getting the best of everyone. That doesn't mean I don't blame people, because honestly blowing someone off and refusing to talk about things is just a bullshiot move, but whatever I guess I should have expected it anyways.

3:22pm: Backbeat The Word Was On The Street That The Fire In Your Heart Is Out

I've been in an incredibly good, good mood lately...weird but I'm rollin with it.

Wednesday night!! Hiner + Me = getting drunk and making poor decisions!!! I wish I had a shirt that says Fuck Valentine's Day.

Besides I'm male, my biological instincts are to screw and do it indescriminantly. Relationships are for suckers and weak willed individuals.

I'm pretty sure I'm in love with myself too much anyhow, who has room for anyone else.

Hannibal Rising = A for Awesome-fuckin-tacular! 

Oasis rocks my face

Monroeville March 14th-ish to the 18th! Drunken merriment shall ensue, going to try to sing with Jordan again, good times shall be had by all. 

I'm the sum of my collective experiences. I'm really ok with things the way they've been. Why get angry and upset about the actions of others? When you can't change the things others do around you, its best to adapt, overcome, and appreciate all the other amazing things that life has to offer. And there are so many things in life to be amazed by. 

She sat me down and took me by the hand
She said I'll try to make this painless if I can
She was sorry and then she began to cry
Couldn't look me in the eye
I said baby let me just save you the time

I can see where this is going
Tears will fall and hearts will break
Loves a game we almost played
So dry your eyes and be on your way
As for me I'll be ok

3:29am: Just GO GO GO
I wish I could take leave in the next year...I would disa-fucking-ppear. 

I've started the crazy plans to get the fuck out of here again....they'll most likely get thwarted but who knows.

I wish I remembered more dreams and then I wake up and remember one and get pissed. fuckin typical

It pisses me off to no end that I care about people WAY more than they give a shiot about me, it's getting tiring. Bridges were meant to be burned and the ones that aren't survive the fire.

I want to take a vacation/get-the-fuck-away trip when I finally get out.   
     I'm requesting ideas. I should be out of the Marines at the end of August 07. I don't really care how much it'll cost or where it is. Also if you are interested in going, I'd entertain the idea of company.

'Cos I'm a litle bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys. Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

3:38am: Let It Ride...

Another week or so down...

So today is / was July 14th 2006...most of you would think this was a normal day, but unfortunately or fortunately for me, whichever way you look at it, its my 4 year anniv. in the Marine Corps.

4 years ago today...amazing.

I call it the state of the enlistment: Year 4

6 countries, several continents, and numorous lonely nights later and i'm in the same place i was then...confused, angry, amazed, curious, satisfied, unsatisfied, educated, learning, and always pursuing..something. elusive happiness...if the happiness is found in the journey and not the destination then i'm screwed once august 15th 2007 comes along.

I've managed to survive two combat zones, and i've managed to set myself up for a great career, the only problem is i don't want a career in the marine corps. so back to monroe i go, august 15th 2007. things will be different, things will be the same...things will be good, i will make them good, and if you aren't a part of that goodness...i'll cut you out of my life, with extreme prejudice. so live up to my expectations or be removed from my life. not a threat simply a promise.

I ran a pft this week, 100 crunches (max) 20 pullups (max) and 3 miles in 23:08 which is not my best but its better then when i left san diego a few months ago. so i'll take the score because its better than before. i also went to the pistol range and shot the 9mm sig sauer pistol. i scored a 35 out of 40, 5th in the class, which made me very happy.

I went to see A Peaceful Warrior tonight, by myself. It was a great movie, which i knew it would be. As I was driving home from D.C. i looked to my left and saw the moon in the background and saw the Capitol Building in front of it...amazing. 

So I'm sobering up from drinking by myself...fuck you if you just judged me. 

I read this on your myspace: Don't waste your time on anyone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.  So the question I ask you is... if you were me, would you "waste" your time on you. as in, should I be wasting my time on you??

Life is so much more complicated than anyone wants to admit, and yet it can be so incredibly easy. It's all about perspective I suppose. 

I just want things to work out, in general, nothing in particular. To be happy , that seems an elusive fucking goal. sounds so easy yet so hard to obtain. my problem is that i think having someone else in my life will help share the burden of happiness. i still think it's true, irregardless of the person, whomever they end up being. and maybe i'm an eternal pessimistic optimist...yea wrap your head around that.

1:20am: Sunday Night Update
I've mostly got pictures today so this will be a short entry.

I now have to report to D.C. by June 26th so I'll only have a few days after I get back from leave before I have to begin driving to D.C. I looked up the mileage and its actually a longer trip from San Diego to D.C. than it was from Michigan to San Diego.

I've been given the option of living on my own if I want so that could be interesting. I'm just excited that I could have an animal, DOG! D.C. is really expensive though so I'd rather not have to pay out my ass just to live in a one bedroom apartment.

Saturday was SSgt Springer's going away party at Dave and Buster's and I had a good time for the most part. He gave me a really nice plaque for my time working with him in Iraq, I'll post pictures. The Plaque says:
Corporal Neil A. Messer
"Chicken Little"
3 June 2005 - 16 April 2006
Supreme Allied Commander of NCO's
Thank you for your hard work and dedication
OIF 04-06
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." - Albert Einstein
Lou Rawls!! From SSgt "Chocolate Thunder" Springer

It's in the shape of the Superman symbol...I was speechless it was such a nice gift

And the other pictures are of me receiving the Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medal

( Super Plaque and NAM )

2:29am: Washington D.C. Here I Motherfuckin Come!!!
Normally I wouldn't repost so early...but...

I found out yesterday that I was officially accepted to serve on the Chairman / Joint Chiefs of Staff Security Detail starting 1 July. I was really, really surprised that I was accepted at all. It was fairly competative and they only wanted Sgts and above so I didn't even fit the rank constraints, but here I am with orders so now we'll see how being the only Cpl on the team works out.

I'll be stationed at the Pentagon for my last year. I'm excited but not. I called Mallon to see if her house is anywhere near there, but alas its like an hour away. BUT I'll go see her and Dean on a weekend here and there.

I have to extend my contract past the five years, but only by three months and two of those months will be paid leave so i'll really leave the MC around mid august 2007 now. It should give me JUST enough time to get ready for classes at UoM (assuming I'm accepted)

So...excitement and ....apprehension.

Leave from May 24th to June 13th...leave San Diego by June 26th-ish..road trip from SoCal to D.C. ....any takers? I'm going to lose my mind driving that far by myself!!!!

Ok, I'll probably have more info later, but for now....14 days until I rock out with my cock out in Monroeville!!

1:56am: I want to make you feel beautiful...
So it's been a very strange few weeks. I haven't updated in a while and thats probably a good thing.

The latest news is that I've decided to just get out of the Marine Corps and not pursue the program I wanted. The catch was that by accepting the program, I wasn't going to be guaranteed a spot as an Intelligence Officer, which is what I want to do. I joined the MC to be an intelligence analyst so theres no reason for me to be an officer if i can't be an Intel officer. So long story short and after a week of hard thinking, its best if I just get out and get my degree on my own.

It was probably one of the hardest decisions i've had to make in a long time. I make harder decisions all the time, but they seem easier. Example: "Hey Messer, We're not making you go to Iraq, wanna go anyways?" "Sure, why not" I usually get all bent out of shape about decisions that will affect me in the distant future instead of what's right in front of me, only because I see time and again that having a plan rarely works out the way it's supposed to. Example: I was dead set on UoM and living with my sister and scott. Now they are moving and that whole plan is shot to hell. Just another reason i hate relying on other people.

I've been super sick lately, plus my body is beat up from running sprints all the time. So I've been really under the weather, then I had to get up at 330am this morning because I had to brief the General. Whoever briefs him has to be in by 430am to prepare the brief so it was just shitty cause i had to be in bed by like 9pm but i got off work by 1pm so that was nice.

Things have just been...blah. I had a good weekend, spent friday by myself and then saturday i partied at this random house in Ventura. Totally not something I normally do but it was something different. And now for something completely different.

Tonight was the first time I saw Jennifer in over a week. She made dinner and I made brownies. We had a good talk, she hates that I'm unsure of the future. She always makes me feel better about myself and its great to know someone thinks that greatly of me. I got a drunken call from Cara too, which made my day. She's going through some tough times so I did the classic Neil listens to everyone's problems and she felt better.

Ait lots going on but this is long enough as it is. I'm hopped up on Nyquil, which has become my new love. And as Lewis Black said, "Nyquil is the only thing in the world that tastes like its color."

1:30am: So...this week is going swimmingly..

Today I gave a 0730 and 1300 brief. I would say that they were both probably in the top ten best briefs I've ever given, which really made my day. It was a little sad being my last brief with these guys but as its been for the last 3.5 years, i'm constantly saying goodbye to someone or i'm leaving, one or the other.

I went to dinner with Estrada, Young, Long, Philly, Garcia and Sainz. They've all been friends for a while and I hung out with them a little in Iraq attack so it was nice to hang out with them again out here. I'm pretty antisocial these days so I spend most of my time with Jennifer, which is great but I should branch out a little more I suppose.

Hump day is over which I look forward to every week! I'll start checking out tomorrow and I'll leave 161 on monday probably.

Surgery on Friday afternoon at 4:20 w00t! So hopefully I'll be on some good drugs all weekend and by monday i'll be totally healed and free of these oppressive glasses. AND! then everyone can see my impressive blue eyes..you bitches don't even know.

I finally found out when the summer session for San Diego is so I just have to be back in SoCal by like June 20th to make the first class, so I'm thinking about taking two classes, probably english and spanish and I'll be done with classes just before I roll out again in august.

I talked to Red on the phone for like over an hour and a half last night...amazing lol i looked down at the call time and was like...holy shiot, i didn't even realize it. good times.

12:58am: Stolen From Kacie!
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Dishwasher at the Detroit Beach Pizzaria
2. WaldenBooks, I loved that place!
3. Finish Line...shoe bitch lol
4. Intelligence Analyst - U.S. Marine Corps...I nearly had a moto moment there

Four movies you would watch over and over again:
1. Biodome
2. Office Space
3. The Big Lebowski
4. Friday

Five places you have lived:
1. Monroe, MI - Detroit Beach! Fuck yea, the Detroit Beach motherfuckin Mafia!
2. Newport, MI - Pheasant Run
3. Okinawa, Japan - MCAS Futenma
4. Djibouti, Africa - Camp Lemonier Combined Joint Task Force - Horn Of Africa
5. San Diego, CA - MCAS Miramar

Six TV shows you love to watch:
1. Law and Order
2. Sea Lab & Aqua Teen Hunger Force
3. Smallville
4. LOST
5. The West Wing
6. CSI

Five places you've been on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Florida
3. Las Vegas
4. Toronto & Windsor
5. Up North, you bitches know.

Three websites I visit daily:
1. MonroeNews.com
2. Livejournal & MySpace
3. Yahoo! Email

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pizza!
2. nachos
3. chinese (broccoli chicken)
4. chicken

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Montcalm County
2. Okinawa
3. Florida
4. My house

Five friends whom I have tagged that I think will respond:
1. Jenn
2. Laura
3. Ann -
4. Alli-Gator
5. Angela

3:03am: Cuz We All Need A Little More Room To Live...

I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me..

It's been another fuckin amazing weekend. All courtesy of the Jiff and Neilio motherfuckin duo.

The week went by quickly enough, thur & fri were half days. I managed to stay out of trouble.

Harry Potter 4 on dvd...sub par at best, the first that I didn't see in theaters nor with Eileen.

Closer...fucked up but enjoyable movie.

Friday night: Dinner and movie with Jennifer and Nichole. Drank a beer at this micro brewery, it was tasty. Nichole is 4 months prego so she did not. 
I may be taking her dog, his name is Hot Rod and he's a bad ass...a mini yorkie, but still a badass. He will rule ALL.
Failure to Launch...I thought it was better than I expected, but wouldn't recommend it to anyone EVER.

Saturday: Olive Garden and running shoe shopping with Jennifer, then cookie making afterward. She made me wear her Cooking Divas apron, pictures should be on their way. We decided that we could have a reality tv cooking show. I would molest the chicken, "Spread your fucking legs Chicken...yea you fucking like that don't you! You like it when I make your stuffing, yea fuck yea!" ....yea

Sunday: Bumming around the room, then House of Blues with Jennifer. 
The Ben Taylor Band opened for Tristan Prettyman. A-Fuckin-Mazing! Seriously I developed a crush for Ben Taylor's Bassist (Miss Blueberry)...she was amazingly beautiful. Plus she rocks out with her cock out...jams out with her clam out...a chick who plays bass and fuckin rocks on stage...I would love her fo life lol. I'll include a picture, though the pic doesn't do her any fucking justice, gosh she was delightful.


Tristan's music was spectacular, the whole concert was very nice. I'd recommend both of them to anyone. She even did this mock cover of Brittany's Toxic, it was impressive. I was just blown away by so many amazing women tonight ha! And I thought of High Fidelity, and how I'd like to date a musician. The Ben Taylor Band came on stage to Fuck Her Gently by Tenacious D....I'm gonna BUALL you discreetly!!

And tomorrow marks the first running day in my new running shoes.

It rained and hailed all fuckin weekend, i loved it.

Two funny things this weekend.
1. Jennifer decided that I'm a closet elitist and I didn't argue.
2. I said one of the funniest things ever. "The only real way to know if you are full is to eat until you throw up." - I'm a fuckin hilarious motherfucker...you bitches just don't know.

Oh and...Clamdiggers in May...I'm gonna be there a lot with some old D-Town friends, Jenny's (JEN-AY, Forrest Gump-style) bf plays there a lot so i'm gonna get drunk and enjoy the live music. I suggest others partake as well.

And lastly, Justin Standifer one part of the Hong Kong Danger Duo apparently just became a father, which makes me scared to hell of the future. If anyone was not going to get married and have kids, it was Stan. Now look what happened. There has been a rip in the universe. The only way to fix it is for me to marry Miss Blueberry...gotdamn she was mezmerizing.

4:49pm: UGH! So I still don't have internet in my room which is pissing me off, mostly cause I went in the office on monday to get it.

Not much else has been going on, I went into work briefly this morning and was gone in an hour.

I have to go back to work tomorrow on a regular schedule. I should be checked out of 161 by early next week and I talked to my old boss and he's cool with me taking leave whenever so i've got to figure that out soon.

I keep wanting to just find someplace else to go to on leave. I've been really feeling very strange lately and I'm only partly sure of why. I know things are only going to get worse before they get better and I'm going to have to make a choice very soon that I don't want to make but it would be stupid for me not to. It'll really suck mostly because of the finality of it, but in the end I can't keep letting myself have false hope.

This weekend should be fun. Jennifer got tickets for this concert on sunday at the house of blues, Jason Mraz and some other local female singer. and possibly saturday to the zoo, which we all know i'm a fan of!

Sidenote: I'm not having sex with Jennifer since I realize that could have been a misconception. As hard as it is to believe for EVERYONE lol I'm just really really good friends with her. I know its quite impossible for a male to have a female friend and not have sex with her and all.....

Anyways, I'm slowly slipping into a depressive state and I'm not entirely bothered. I've lost faith in friends and people in general and will most likely fall further into myself and won't be talking to people too often. I just don't see the point.

Strangely enough, even though I just got back I'm almost looking forward to going back to Iraq ... I swear I've got some issues.

That is all bitches.

7:25pm: Back In San Diego...it means Whale's Vagina..
Ait Bitches I'm back and its great...sorta lol

I don't have net in my room yet so i'll be getting that soon...hopefully.

I got back last night at like...9pm. I was just happy to be off the fucking plane

Jennifer was there to pick me up and we went back to her condo. It was nice to catch up and laugh again...I've missed her fo sho'. we fell asleep at around 2am but i only slept like 6 hrs.. i have problems sleeping in the same bed as people for some reason, it's weird i know.

Breakfast at some random Armenian Cafe in La Costa, which is where her condo is and then we came back here to get my car and shiot.

I got my cell back on with a diff. number

...other things?...who knows I'm just happy to have a room to myself for a little while, which i'm going to go clean right now.

Back to work on Thursday

Talked to Steve tonight which was awesome! I always love hearing from him

Ait that's all I got biznatches!


But if you want me, gots to let me know
Cause its so hard to let you go
Well i've been round this block ten thousand times
So just patch me, just one more line
I've got one life to live in
So wont you stop and listen
Can’t keep my head from spinnin all around you
And if you see me slippin just keep my head from hittin
I'd stop the world from spinning all around you
But i'm frustrated
So frustrated now
Seems like I've been here before
But i'm frustrated
So frustrated now
Seems like I've been here before
So as the story goes, you know it well
And motherfuckers, it’s one to tell
But if you want me, gots to let me know
Cause its so hard to let you go

5:18pm: We've Been On The Run, Driving In The Sun...
Ait Bitches this will be the last entry in Iraq Attack!!!

I wrote my name on the wall and had a farewell cigar on the roof, I certainly felt accomplished. 7 months of hard work, it feels great to be leaving.

So I've been working out pretty hard lately, which is always nice.
(6 pullups X 5 reps = 30 pullups)+(15 pushups X 5 Reps = 75 pushups)+(35 Mins of Cardio - 450 calories)+(15 Mins of abs)= sleeping like a baby.

We are leaving here soon and going to Kuwait to play the hurry-up-and-wait game for a day and a half and then we'll be en route to sunny SoCal. I never thought I'd be so happy to see California. Should be back in Cali on the 4th and I'll be up on the net and cell phonage soon after that.

In honor of our return I'll be listening to Phantom Planet's California..otherwise known as the O.C. Theme song.
We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for #1
California here we come
Right back where we started from

Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from

Quite fitting for our entire unit lol but I'll be the one screaming CALIFORNIA!!! RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM!!! at the top of my fuckin lungs lol seriously this has been the longest seven months of my life..EVER.

Ok so the plan is still to come home around May,probably for about 2-3 weeks since I don't have a car in Michigan anymore. I think that'll give me plenty of time to lose my fuckin mind. There will be lots of partying though and maybe even some alcoholism lol i'm totally joking but i'm gonna get sloshed a lot, why cause i can thats fuckin why.

I've been bored out of my mind lately, but thanks to Jack Bauer and 24, the time is going by quickly enough.

Also sidenote: If you've seen Jarhead...I've never seen anyone act like that lol its all a lie, or at least that's how it might have been 15 years ago but its not now.

Top Three Things I'll Miss About Iraq.
1. The Combat Pay...
2. The simplicity of life...
3. The starry night sky.

In the spirit of my tradition when leaving a country,
Goodbye, Pan Iraq....

2:43am: I Want To Be Known For My Hits Not Just My Misses...
If I fall short, if I don’t make the grade...If your expectations aren’t met in me today, there’s always tomorrow or tomorrow night, hang in there baby.. sooner or later I know I’ll get it right, please don’t give up on me...

So the Cousins Messer finally met again! The other day I was shook awake by the duty, he’s like "Cpl Messer, someone’s on the radio for you", I’m like, "Uugh go ahead" "Hey man its Thrower, you up?" I’m like, "I am now" I was pissed, then Thrower says "I’ve got someone here who wants to talk to you" and then Nate gets on the radio. So I went up to the flight line for an hour and chilled with Nate. I’m still amazed that we haven’t seen each other since graduation and we meet again in Iraq…small world.

( Men of The Year, It Was A Tie... )

So I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams lately, some of them are because of the sleeping pills but I’m not taking them as much so I’m not sure what the deal is.
I’ve had two in the last 2 weeks about my teeth falling out, which is not only weird as its happening but I wake up totally creeped out. I’ve also had about four dreams in the last month with ELF in them. I hardly ever remember my dreams so it has been interesting.

I’m down to about a week until I leave for San Diego. I’m getting pretty excited. I gave my last brief out here the other day to the intel marines who are replacing me. I did a pretty good job so I was happy. I’ve been spending the last week training the new guys to make sure they have everything they need for when we are gone.

Things are going to be good in SoCal, I can feel it (at least I hope so). Of course after this last 7 months it couldn’t really be worse. I’ve got a lot of plans that I want to accomplish and even if I only manage to get half of them done, then I’ll be happy. August is going to come quickly and so hopefully I’ll be ready to come back out here by then.

I just got an email from the place where I was going to get LASIK surgery, they offered me a huge discount so instead of it costing me 3k, and it’ll be like $2,400. I wasn’t sure if I was going to do it now or wait until I’m back in San Diego for good, but since the price is so much better I’ll probably do it when I’m back this time.

I finally buckled and I’m officially a MySpace Whore. I honestly heard from like 5 people in two weeks who were looking for me on there and Fish was the final straw. He had a point, I have way too many military accounts which are always changing every time I deploy or go somewhere new, so it’s easy for the other Marines to find me there. So if anyone wants to add me there just use my yahoo email to find me. It’s pretty bare right now, but I’ll mess with it when I’m back in the real world. I’ll definitely add the mandatory drunken photo.

I haven’t been updating publicly very often and I’m going to be doing a clean-up of my friends list when I return.

Other than that, I’ve just been doin’ time, which is all you really can do.

Numbers update: I’m 72.3% done overall, 506 Days until I’m free. Actually things haven’t been all that bad. Since I’ve taken charge of the shop I haven’t had to deal with too much bullshit, so I’m happy about that.

3:39am: From You...Just One Look...And Everything Is Shattered..
Dear February,
Fuck Valentine's Day and Fuck everyone who likes Valentine's Day...noting that I'm really saying, Fuck everyone who has someone to spend Valentine's Day with. That Is All.

I do however think the community where you can leave anonymous valentines to people on livejournal is cool, there's something funny and romantic about it. http://community.livejournal.com/21406/

I just finished watching the 100th episode of Smallville...and it was damn good. There's something to be said for a good love story and everyone should have a Lana, if only to learn how it feels to have your heart broken from circumstance.

22 Days until life begins again...I'm getting excited, course that's making the time go by much slower but i can't help it.

April 1st, San Diego: Fall Out Boy, Hawthorne Heights & All American Rejects. I'm fuckin there and if i can't make that one, its April 20th (4/20) at the Palace in Michigan lol even if i have to fly home to see it, i'll catch it one way or another.

I'm checking on some other bands (Trapt, Story of the Year, My Chemical Romance) I want to see so if anyone has any information please let me know.

Warped Tour so far isn't shaping up to be that interesting but I should still be in SoCo in case some good bands start showing up on the roster.

Well let's see...This week has been interesting. Since my boss left, I've gotten my ass chewed a few times. I don't get along so well with my OIC, mostly because he's not an intel officer but he's still in charge of the intel shop. I don't mind getting my ass chewed really, I haven't really been that belligerant in a while.

Anyways, life's boring right now, which is ok I guess. I talked to Angela twice last week...which was unexpected but awesome. Talked to D and Red once this week too, it's been a good week for talking to people.

Download Shattered by Remy Zero..great song and band. It's from Suicide Kings...great movie as well. Good ole Chris Walken..I need more cowbell.

4:45am: So Obviously Desperate So Desperately Obvious...

 I finally found the Down With The Sickness Lounge version I was looking for. It's up there with the Dan Band's Total Fuckin Eclipse..you know the one from Old Skool. If you've seen the new Dawn of the Dead, they play this song during the little montage where the one chick is taking it hardcore from behind against a table..its great. This guy Richard Cheese does like lounge versions of tons of songs. The only other one i managed to get was One step closer by linkin park. i command you to download DWTS right now! Fuckin A its a catchy little tune.

Good News!!! I decided to come home next month. My parent unit wasn't giving me any answers so I'm going to go back to SoCo and enjoy about five months and try to come back out here in August. I'd really like to go to Afghanistan, then I'd complete the triad of combat zones: Africa, Iraq and Afghanistan.

So I'm semi-happy about that. Things to look forward to: Movies in theaters, concerts, and hours in Barnes and Noble

I'll probably wait to come home to Michigan until say...at least April/May at the earliest, unless something comes up.

Other things aren't so good, but that's life.

Both my classes are now finished and I'll have my grades within two weeks. I'm quite sure I'll get A's in both classes. It'll be nice to take real classes again when i get back, I think I'll take one on base and one on campus this time, maybe meet some new people and be in a normal classroom atmosphere.

I went running this morning to clear my head..it was fuckin cold. It felt like i was breathing icicles, but it was good nonetheless.

So yea bitter sweet as usual. I am looking forward to the few people who are left at my old unit, my old roommate in particular. And Jennifer just bought a condo in Carlsbad so I'll definitely be hanging out with her on the weekends fo sho'

This is all wrong...and it shows...you've got this silly way of keeping me on the edge of my seat...

You could slit my throat And with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt

Maybe I should hate you for this.. never really did ever quite get that far...     TBS is soothing ha.

 

 

1:28am: When You Come Back Down....

So another uneventful week.

I've got that Pink Floyd song, Wish You Were Here stuck in my head and I've been listening to it nonstop for a few days.

Got a 95 on my second 5 page literature paper so that made me happy. I turned in my 10 page Abraham Lincoln research paper and i feel pretty good about that one. Two more papers due in lit class and i'm home free.

The Denver Broncos suck it hard and suck it long.

80's on the radio remind me of you...she's got the look
what in the world could turn a brown-eyed girl blue?

Called home, talked to Chari, things are good. Talked to Papa for like a half hour, it was good to talk to him.

It actually got below 30 degrees the other day, needless to say it was cold.

I finally watched the movie Saw on Wednesday...oh man that was an incredible movie! We have a hajji copy of Saw II but i'm gonna wait until it comes out on dvd.

My boss is leaving early next week so I'll become the intelligence chief for a few weeks. I'm excited to be the boss lol watch out cause this guy's gonna run amok with authority!!

I went through some super old emails from like '03, I'm an email packrat. Most of them were from D, Red, and Elf. It's amazing how much has changed or more importantly how much other people have changed.

It made me realize that you really did used to be a different person, just in the tone of the emails. I miss that part...a lot....

Life's good, I can't complain about much. Since getting online at the net cafe I talk to a few old friends which totally makes my day. I'm drawing ever closer to rejoining my old unit up north and so that should be a fun time as well.

Ait that's all I got.

A memory can't be erased..I know because I've tried...When you come back down..if you land on your feet..i hope you find a way to make it back to me..when you come around..i'll be there for you..don't have to be alone with what you're going through.

10:48pm: Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

I'm still waiting for you to be the one I'm waiting for.

Things that piss Neil off: Watching Seasons 1-6 of That 70's Show under the belief that there are only 6 seasons.

Things that piss Neil off even more: Finding out season 8 is still airing all-new on Fox...

I've been spending my free time laughing my ass off at all the random Chuck Norris facts...I don't know why its so funny. Probably because as great a martial artist as he is, he's still an assclown for Walker Texas Ranger. He does however, get bonus points for making fun of himself in Dodgeball.

President Bush Did have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq, However Chuck Norris was busy that day.

Ok so an Iraq Update....lets see...

Still in Iraq...

Still cold as hell....

Still getting rockets shot at us...(this time the 107mm rocket didn't explode, just embedded in the ground)

Sunni's are still pissed off they are the minority not enjoying rights given to them by the Ba'ath Party and Saddam....maybe they shouldn't have treated the Shi'a and Kurds like shiot when they were in power... 

Muslim extremists/ foreign fighters still shooting, killing, blowing up, and otherwise destroying anything American or Iraqi.....

Still working 12 hr nightshift, still sleeping 8 hours a day and still always tired...

Still pissed off at the world for no apparent reason...I still wake up just plain pissed off...

Nope, not much has changed since the last update

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

I'm two weeks shy of finishing both my classes. I have a 10 page history research paper due this week that I'm hopefully starting tonight since I'm putting it off by posting now. I have two 5-10 page papers due in my contemp. lit class and i'll get around to those this week or the next since those are due by end of week 8.

New episodes of Smallville and Lost make me happy if not for 40 minutes at a time.

I've been thinking a lot lately, which is a problem that I always face. I like to analyze things way too much (go figure since its my job). I really want to go to UoM when i get out, but its only because I want to be close to home and the family. But overall its not the best thing for me and when i think about it, there isn't going to be much left in michigan for me. Most of my friends are going to graduate from college this year and I'm better off going to a college close to D.C anyways since i'll likely get a job there anyhow. It just seems like my life got way out of control before i even realized it. I've gotten so immersed in this job field and found I really enjoy it, but there are so many other things I'd like to do with my life. I was always worried I wouldn't find something I like and now my problem is that there are too many things.

So yea, nothing is new. I still feel like things are never going to work out the way I want them too. At least I'm not hating life out here all that much. The Marine Corps has at least given me an infinite amount of patience for things I don't like or enjoy, hopefully that comes in handy some day.

I saw this quote and thought it rang quite true....

"There are only two kinds of people who understand Marines: Marines and the enemy. Everyone else has a second-hand opinion." - General William Thornson, U.S. Army

8:25pm: We're The Kids Who Feel Like Dead Ends...

So the week started out pretty good and just went downhill from there.

I rode in one of our helicopters this week and it was pretty cool. There's something simply amazing about watching the sunrise from 300ft in the air. Most people don't like our helos because the dual rotors make for a more bumpy ride, but i had a great time. Capt. James put us in a couple of hard banks and i was almost parallel to the ground, it was crazy. Almost like a roller coaster ride only much more dangerous haha.

We recovered a piece of rocket from the last attack, so i have a little souvenir now.

Since going to the internet cafe recently, I've got to talk to a ton of people which always makes me happy. It's always been the little things for me which is funny i suppose. I got to talk to Hollywoodrefugee! and I finally caught Joel and then I was talking to Joe on Sean's AIM SN while Sean was talking to Pat on the phone lol I caught Jenn and Alli-gator and Steve...and then Katie-bird told me she saw Tim Henson the other day, which is weird cause I was just thinking about him since Joel hadn't heard from him in a while. I was thinking about me, pat, joel, and tim on one of the best New Years I ever had. The four of us made a huge batch of jungle juice lol it was a good time, I think we had enough booze for several weekends of drunken schenanigans.

I finally saw The 40 Yr Old Virgin, I was unimpressed. It was funny enough, but it certainly wasn't even nearly as funny as Wedding Crashers. I hope whenever I finally come home for a few weeks that there are some good movies playing because I'm just going to live in the movie theater.

It rained so much in the last few days. It was nice to sleep with the sounds of rain on the tent but this country doesn't take rain very well so its pretty much a giant mud puddle in our camp right  now.

If you are sending mail to me, it has to be sent by January 18th, otherwise it won't make it here by feb 15th and I won't get it. I'm not sure when I'll get a new address, but I'll repost the new one as soon as i get to the new base. Alli-gator I know you were going to send a letter soon so I thought everyone should know just in case.

It looks like Beav and James will be out here in mid february so that'll be cool if i can meet up with them.

Yea my life is boring right now.

3:14am: Rocket Attacks, Freezing My Balls Off & Night Vision Goggles...

Did I get your attention?

I normally like to wait a few days before posting again. I decided a while ago that I wouldn't post so often and I've done a decent job of it.

Not to be upstaged by the New Year, Hajji launched two rockets at our camp this afternoon. The bastards woke me up, which pissed me off. I rolled out of bed, put on my flak jacked and went back to sleep. I'm quite unimpressed with the marksmanship of these insurgents.

I watched Cry Wolf the other day, I was sufficiently entertained. I also watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith. I went into that movie expecting what everyone else thought, a gaggle-fuck packaged with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. I thought it was a decent flick and I found Jolie to be amazingly sexy for some  reason... I'm normally not inclined to like her since I think that whole billy bob blood locket fiasco was just enough out of left field for me to never wonder why people do some of the things they do. Vince Vaughn of course had a stellar supporting role that fit nicely.

I hope the "love" he gave you was enough to save you...

I spent New Years talking on the phone with my rents, which is by far the most boring way to spend the new year. Not that I mind talking to my parents, but this is the first year I haven't been at some form of celebration. At least last year in Africa we had a beer or two. I'm not a big alch, but I was missin some sort of booze to ring in the festivities.

I've been getting online at the net cafe at like 0730 my time so about midnight-30 michigan time so hopefully i'll catch a few of you online.

I also got to look through night vision goggles the other night. Here's the best way to describe that awesome experience. If you look up in the night sky out here on any given night you'll see roughly 1,000 stars if you were to count. Under NVGs, you see about 2 million stars! It's absolutely un-fuckin-believable. If they didn't cost around 10k I'd buy a pair fo sho'.

It's down to about the low 30's now so I'm enjoying the Michigan-like cold weather, while everyone else thinks i'm crazy. I heard that it snowed last year at the base I'm going to in february so I'm wishing that happens again. But like they say, spit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first...

While I've made many resolutions this year, I've decided that one in particular is important. I've realized through some recent self-realization and recollection that I have a tendency to have tunnel vision when I figure out I'm interested in someone. It's like I immediately put that person on a pedestal and I'm frequently blindsided by the outside factors that I would normally have seen a mile away. It'll be easy to honor this promise to myself this year because I'm not liable to find a romantic interest out here and if I do, chances are it'll be primarily about lust and not anything else.

I'm having Yahoo! email issues so if anyone has emailed me in the last 5 days or so, I haven't seen it. I'm working with Yahoo! to fix it and should be back up in the next day or so.

As I enter month number 6 and 2006, I'm happier that another month is down. Consulting the Donut Of Misery:

69% done with my enlistment, 79.69 weeks left, 557.84 days to go. 70% is an awesome number! Fuckin A, I've come a long way....

11:38pm: So Much Has Happened In This Short Year...
This Will Be The Year That We Won't Will Forget...
And I won't pretend theres some irony in quoting Outkast's Bombs Over Baghdad while in Iraq...

Lots of things happened in the last few days that were good...

Thanks to Hollywoodrefuge for letting me know I was mentioned in The Washington Post! How awesome is that?!?!
The Link: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/22/AR2005122201772.html
And the part mentioning me: A 22-year-old hip-hop loving Marine who calls himself sup3rman83 writes: "We had a sandstorm last night!! I figure since I can't have a white Christmas, I'll settle for a sandy one."

My first quote in a major newspaper w00t! next stop, 2020: Messer For President, just you wait and see.

Christmas was another day but I got packages from my mom and Chari/Dad so that was cool. And a special thanks to Barb for the awesome alarm clock. I was waiting for Amazon to send me an email telling me when it was off of backorder and here it shows up from Barb...fuckin score! The SgtMaj was in my tent last night and saw the Superman symbol on the ceiling and started laughing...its the little things.

February 28th, 2006 = New Hawthorne Heights album!! That'll be pre-ordered fo sho'

So its about that time again for a new year. I normally like to mentally do a year in review retrospective, but since I have this convienant journal i'll do it here. I'll post it behind a cut since it'll probably be long, I'll include some pictures as well.

( 2005...What A Year.. )


So it's the end of another year. at least i have time on my side. So when toasting the new year in a few days, I'll be looking to 2007...there should some irony in that.

I'm a little sad because I'll have to honor a promise to myself. I tried to make things right and to fix things, but you seem bent on standing your ground and i guess i understand that. While I didn't kick and scream literally, I certainly tried but in the end this was your choice and not mine so I'll consider our friendship over. It's a shame, but so are a lot of things in life. I hope life treats you well, <3.

- To Better Days...